Diary of Sam (working title)

Diary of Sam: A short story or prologue of a young woman's inherent dark desires and the events that lead to her first kills.

Trigger Warnings: This story contains animal abuse, talk of self-harm, implicated sexual assault, and graphic depictions of violence. If you are not in the head space to read about these themes, please choose a different story of mine, though most are dark.

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Zara Walker on Unsplash

The strength it takes not to squeeze the arms off a salamander was very great when I was young. Their slimy wriggly bodies squirmed in my little hands and I did not yelp or cry like other girls did. I pressed my fingers together hard until I saw their beady black eyes bulge. I remember once when my mother slapped the tops of my hands before I could press too hard with the same whine of all the other girls my age.

“Oh we do not touch those Samantha, yuck!” She spit out with disgust. All I could think about was that I go by Sam.

To my displeasure, the salamander waddled away swiftly after hitting the ground.

During my preteen years I graduated from salamanders, insects, and other insignificant creatures to small animals. The urge became harder to ignore.

I would pluck the whiskers off of our cat and set fire to the hair on its tail. Mother who claimed that cat was her second child never noticed. She never fed it either. She didn’t notice when it went missing. She didn’t notice the fresh burial grounds in the yard for the others. She sleep-walked through life with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and a few pills down her throat since the day I was born.

I walked out of my room on my eighteenth birthday and walked down the hall to my mother’s bedroom with a ball hammer in hand. I kept it my room after the last time my step father tried to sneak in during the night. I swung hard and it connected with his head. He didn’t fight back. He didn’t get his revenge. He left me alone after that. Both her and my step-father’s bodies were contorted together on the floor level mattress. I could see their chests rise up and down as they slept in a probable alcohol induced coma. They wouldn’t know it if a plane turbine fell through the ceiling. I could do it now. I could end everyone’s pain and suffering including their own with the ball of this hammer. They ain’t happy and they’ll never be happy in this life. It’d be a favor and no one would check on them for weeks so I’d probably get away with it. Raising the hammer above my head made me excited. I never done it to a person before. After a few moments I lowered the hammer. They didn’t deserve my mercy. They deserved to sit in this rot until the day they died. I’d be doing something better with my life while they watched and decayed together.

I plan on leaving this rotten place behind. I feel that if I get out of here and my mental state doesn’t get better then there really is no hope for me and I can finally run the blade of a knife across my wrists. I could drone on and on to a therapist about my step father’s hands on me, or the lack of food in the fridge, or Billy being the pig-bellied bitch he is for inviting his friends in the room; or I could get the fuck out of here and be someone different. They’ll all get what’s coming for them. I don’t know where I’m headed but anywhere better than this shit town is good enough for me; maybe it’s shit everywhere.

I walked down the dirt road with nothing in my pockets but a few twenties and my granddaddy’s pocket knife until I reached a road people actually use. I walked on for a few miles with my thumb out and a few men pulled their cars over for me. I wouldn’t step foot in the car with a man, I already learned that lesson before. Unfortunately women wouldn’t pull over for a stranger for the same reasons. I walked for most of day without anyone stopping. This was harder than I thought. It was getting late and I knew it wasn’t too kind out here in the dark for a girl alone. That’s when I saw the headlights of a two door tan sedan come around the corner. I had feeling this would be the one for me so I stuck out my thumb mighty high.

The car slowed to a stop and the passenger side window rolled down as slowly and squeakily as it possibly could.

“Hey darlin! Looking for a ride?” A wide eyed blonde woman shouted over the cicadas.

I leaned down to see her and a man with a bushy mustache to match his eyebrows smiling behind the wheel.

“What way yer headed, sweetheart?” He said almost flirting with me.

It didn’t feel like the right car anymore. I swallowed away my fear as I looked around. It was about dark and I didn’t have many other options.

“Anywhere but here.” I replied trying to sound like I didn’t know exactly what kind of man was smiling at me.

“Well come on in, honey, we’re heading west to Dyersburg ourselves.” Blonde beckoned me. She jumped out of the car pulled the seat up so I could get in and I did.

“What’s yer name?” Said the man.

“Sam.”

“Nice to meet you Sam, I am Eddie and this here's my wife Brenda.”

Brenda was fully turned in the seat staring at me while still smiling. Closer now I could see that her teeth were stained brown and caked with crud. A foul smell came from her mouth or maybe it was from the car itself.

“What’s in Dyersburg for you folks?” I asked to break the silence.

“Oh we just like to travel! Eddie has some family that way right Ed?” Brenda said.

“mhm.” Eddie didn’t look away from the road.

“How far is it from here?” I asked. I hadn’t been around much to know.

“Oh bout an hour, yeah not long.” Brenda waved her hands in front my face. “So when your folks expected you back from your trip?” She tilted her head to the side.

I gulped at the question. I put my hand in my pocket and wrapped it around my knife. Touching it made my stomach leap.

“Oh uh they know when I’m coming back.”

“Mhm, I’m sure sweetie. What brings you out on the road so late?”

The car bobbed up and down on the rough pavement. I was starting to feel nauseous.

“Baby leave her alone, she’s prolly tired. Why don’t you get some shut eye girl.” Eddie interrupted.

“Oh you’re right what am I thinking, it’s going on nine o’clock ain’t it!”

She spun her head around so fast I am surprised she didn’t leave it behind. I smiled nervously but closed my eyes planning on fake sleeping the entire way there so I didn’t have to talk to these people. This is probably my nerves, once I do it a few times I’ll get less jumpy. They’re creepy but I bet they’re just different people.

I was jolted awake by the increased shaking of the car.

Fuck.

A rush of adrenaline pushed all of the drowsiness out of me as I tried to look out the windows to see where we were. It must’ve been a dirt road but it was so overgrown it barely looked used at all.

“Where are we?” I asked.

“It’s okay darlin, Eddie had to piss and we just want to show you something right up here. It won’t take long!” Brenda beamed her smile at me again.

“No no let me out, I don’t want to see it!” I was panicking. I felt it in my voice.

“Don’t want to see it? Dear after we stopped and helped you? That is a little rude, don’t you think?” She didn't blink as she waited for my response.

“Let me out lady! Stop the car!”

To my surprise, the car came to a rolling stop. I reached for a door handle or a lever to let me out but there was no way I was going anywhere unless they raised the seat for me.

“Oh relax honey we’re just going to have a little fun!”

I sat back into my seat with nothing else to do but put my hand back on my pocket knife.

Eddie got out of the car and pulled the seat up. He paused and looked at me like his mouth was watering before grabbing me by the armpits and dragging me out of the car. I could feel the fabric of the seats burning my body as my skin dragged against it. He immediately pushed me to the ground and forced his body onto mine. Brenda was coming around the car and stood above us.

“This’ll be easier if you don’t struggle darlin.” She is still fucking smiling.

“I like when they struggle.” Ed responded. He wrapped his hands around my throat and began to squeeze. I gasped for air but his grip was tight as I desperately tried to pull his hands down. I tried to remain conscious but I could feel my eyes blackening. Somehow I forgot about the knife in my pocket until this moment. Brenda was clapping her hands to together and cheering her husband on while he attempted to strangle me to death like a fucking psycho. She began to twirl around in circles around us. It felt like some kind go cult ritual to them. I reached into my pocket for the knife. In one motion, I flipped it open and brought the knife into Eddie’s neck. Blood sprayed across my face and Ed’s hands that were still attached to my own neck. His eyes went wide. His mouth opened to scream but nothing came out and he finally released his grip. I sucked in air as fast as I could and choked on Ed’s blood. Brenda only realized what was happening when I shoved his dead weighted body off of mine.

“EDDIE! NO MY EDDIE!” She screamed at the horror of her rapist murdering husband’s dying body. She ran over to him and tried to block the blood that was spluttering out of his neck to no avail.

I was on all fours as I coughed up his blood from his lungs like I was drowning on it. Big Ed’s gurgling finally slowed and then stopped. Brenda's scream sobs deafened the sounds of the woods and annoyed me. Her hands scrambled over his throat as she tried to shove his life back into him. She was just making a mess.

The knife was still in my hand.

I pulled myself up from the ground and walked with intentional slowness to her grieving body. With the only light coming from the headlights of the car, I drove the knife into her side. She screamed but I didn’t stop. Once. Twice. I stabbed again and again until her screams stopped and her body buckled on top of Ed’s.

My arm ached but I felt invigorated. It was like a life long supply of rage and anger was let out of me like water bursting through a dam. It was relief. It felt euphoric to watch big fat fucking Ed’s face distort in pain as I shoved the knife into his neck. The sounds the knife made entering and exiting Brenda’s body breathed life into me that I didn’t know I had.

I pulled each of their bodies over to a tree and leaned them up so they could sit together in death, a courtesy I shouldn’t of given them.

I stared into their vacant eyes and breathed in the scent of their blood. I wanted to do more. I wanted to cut deeper, carve more, but there was still work to be done.

I walked over to the car, that was still running, and pushed the driver’s seat back into its normal position and got in.

I guess there was something to thank Ed and Brenda for. I said I wasn’t going back home but I was. I left loose ends. I left things unfinished.

With the windows down and the cicadas singing to me, I pulled back down the dirt road and headed back home.

I wasn’t done yet.

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